me and viv's conversation
Cp05300615: hi vivian
VLee501: hello, u ken??
Cp05300615: no, y would i be ken?
Cp05300615: mmm...y is your first guess ken?
VLee501: i forgot who u are...are u Christine?
Cp05300615: hay la
VLee501: because i don't remember his sn too
Cp05300615: ohhhh, soga
VLee501: what's up?
Cp05300615: nothing, just chillin
VLee501: did u go to the jp steven thing?
Cp05300615: no, did you?
VLee501: no...i din't feel like going
Cp05300615: c, we couldn't get a ride, so we didn't go either
VLee501: i feel so sick...i'm dying
Cp05300615: y?
Cp05300615: you have a cold?
VLee501: think so
VLee501: my throat hurts so bad
Cp05300615: me think you betta stay home tomorrow...
Cp05300615: are you taking any med?
Cp05300615: i got a td shot today, my arm hurts soo much
VLee501: i wish i could stay home...but i already missed alot of churches
VLee501: guess what?
Cp05300615: wat?
Cp05300615: you got your CD?
VLee501: what cd?
Cp05300615: the single you bought
VLee501: yeah..i got that a long time ago...but it's not that
Cp05300615: oh... welz, wat is it then?
VLee501: even greater...Globe is gonna be on tv next monday!!
Cp05300615: that's bad....
VLee501: why?
Cp05300615: 'cause i can't watch it then
Cp05300615: tape it for me...
VLee501: why can't u watch it?
Cp05300615: pls...pls...
Cp05300615: mmm....CAUSE WE DUN HAVE CABLE?!?!?!?!?!?!
VLee501: of course..i've gotta tape it myself anyways
Cp05300615: okie okie, good
VLee501: i'm so excited!!
Cp05300615: okay, okay, i'm excited too, i finished koichi's drawing
VLee501: they did a concert in Hawaii i think last month, they gonna show what happend there
VLee501: who dat?
Cp05300615: oh, that's kool
VLee501: who's koichi
Cp05300615: kinki kid's la...the cuter guy
VLee501: oh...i read an article about him yesterday...but i forgot about it
Cp05300615: >=(
Cp05300615: how could you...
Cp05300615: you still have it?
VLee501: sorrie la!~!
VLee501: no..i saw it online
Cp05300615: ~T T~
Cp05300615: WHY?????!!!!!!!
VLee501: alright...i'm SORRY ok..jeese!
Cp05300615: okay, i'm back, that wasn't me, that's kinki kid's mania...
Cp05300615: so...anywayz...mmm....i forgot wat i was gonna say
VLee501: okieee...
Cp05300615: have you ever cursed at someone? like within this yr
VLee501: let me say mine first...the newest globe single "miss your body" is very very GOOD!!
Cp05300615: haha... i'm first la
VLee501: curse...as if saying bad words or what?...
Cp05300615: yea
Cp05300615: like those f word thingy
VLee501: yeah i think i did...but it's usually more saying it w/in myself
VLee501: i dont think i've said it outloud to anyone
Cp05300615: oh...
VLee501: why? u did it rit? i know it ..u bad girl~
Cp05300615: i haven't even cursed at anyone in 3 yrs, i finally did on thursday
VLee501: what happend?
Cp05300615: okay, this was the situation, my best friend ~ Alice, is going back to taiwan, and i had this book that i ask everyone of her friend to sign it, and it was suppose to be a secrite (is that how you spell it?)
VLee501: and someone told her rit?
Cp05300615: and this guy, who i hate already, told alice about the thing, which i kept it from her for 1 1/2 month
VLee501: then what?
Cp05300615: you know how hard it is for me to keep something like that from my bestfriend
VLee501: u started going up to him and cursing at him?
Cp05300615: i got sooo mad, i yell at him (i couldn't curse in english, cause i'm at school, so i said all these chinese stuff)
VLee501: you didn't...he chinese?
Cp05300615: all my friends were soo mad too, so the whole day, this guy was getting cursed by every single person he knows
Cp05300615: yea, his sis was soo mad too, but i dun know now, cause she kinda look mad the next day
Cp05300615: mad at me i think
VLee501: why? it was his fault..
Cp05300615: i know, that's wat my friend told me too, that guy didn't come to school on fri
VLee501: he has a big mouth...that's as far as i can say
VLee501: what Alice do?
Cp05300615: hayhay... that stupid girl even felt simpathy for him, she thought it was her fault for telling me wat he told her
Cp05300615: i couldn't even believe it
VLee501: she's too nice...
VLee501: i would've curse at that guy..or even beat him up
Cp05300615: i know, you know wat i said to her? i said.. if you didn't tell me about it, and you let me find out, then i would curse at her too
Cp05300615: i was gonna do that, but last time someone had a fight in our school, the cop came. so...
Cp05300615: this guy...he got me and alice in to a huge fight before, that's y i said i didn't like him before i knew this thing, so now i hate him even more
VLee501: tell u what..why don't u prepare for another surprise for her? a even greater one
Cp05300615: we have one, a surprise party, but that's not just from me, it's from every one, so i dun feel special this way
Cp05300615: u know wat i mean?
VLee501: why dont' u buy her a huge present that she can keep the rest of her life?
Cp05300615: it's not from me, so i won't have that feeling when she find out
Cp05300615: oh... i have some other thing for her, but the book was the major one, i made a web page for her, a web page between us, you know?
Cp05300615: and some other stuff
VLee501: i understand..
Cp05300615: the thing is i want to see her cry (i dun know y)
VLee501: i wuldn've thought the web page wuld be the major one
Cp05300615: u would have or wouldn't have?
VLee501: that's so cool..u guys could have ur own chat room and everything
VLee501: would have
Cp05300615: well, the book has everyone's thoughts on it, so i consider that to be a big thing
VLee501: oh...yea..why dont u tell everyone to get online and sign it on ur web page that u made for her?
Cp05300615: besides me and her are like jello, we always stick together, it's hard to find a time of my own to ask ppl to sign the book
VLee501: are u still giving her the book?
Cp05300615: yea
Cp05300615: when she found out about the book, she was so surprised that i can find time to collect everyone's thoughts w/out letting her know
Cp05300615: we are sooo sticky that one of my friend even said there's no time that they see me alone or her alone
VLee501: i know how that feels...its like if one of u are absent , people automaticlly think u or her would know what happend
VLee501: that's how me and my bf used to be too...
Cp05300615: well... actually, she or me WOULD know the reason
VLee501: yeah..that's what i meant
Cp05300615: if the two of us are not together in public, ppl think we had a fight or something
Cp05300615: the first few months when she got here, ppl thought we were......you know wat i mean
VLee501: ok...have to use alittle imagination
VLee501: not too hard to guess
Cp05300615: the amazing thing is i've only known her for 8 months, but i felt like i've known her for life you know..
VLee501: that shows how close u guys are
VLee501: she must mean a lot to u
Cp05300615: wat.... the "....." thingy or the thing i said after that =P
VLee501: what are u talking about?
Cp05300615: yea she is... sometimes i would even wonder about the "...." thingy myself..... nay... jsut j/k
Cp05300615: i meant wat shows we are close la
VLee501: the GAY thingy...oh..that 's what u mean
VLee501: :p
Cp05300615: yea....duh....you dun have to "type" is in capitalize...
Cp05300615: it
VLee501: she's even a greater best friend than the one u used to have in TW?
Cp05300615: yea, i learn to charish friends after so many moving and change things... so she's very close to me
Cp05300615: she knows more about me then the friends i had before
VLee501: then u better make the best out of the little time u guys have left
Cp05300615: i know...
VLee501: that's would be amazing..u'v only knew her a year..
Cp05300615: she actually pull me out of my dark time
VLee501: dark time?
Cp05300615: ever since i came to US, i was depressed all the time, there are times i wanted to ....do things, then she came alone, i finally have someone i can talk to
Cp05300615: the me 8 month ago is totally diff the me u see now
VLee501: so how were u like before?
Cp05300615: hard to describe, pretty misrible
Cp05300615: most of the time i cry myself to sleep...
VLee501: i've experiend that bfore, lucky u had her...i had noone
Cp05300615: are you still like that?
VLee501: me too...i had a hard time at school...home..everywhere everything
Cp05300615: will, i guess you really have to find someone like youself, and open yourself up
VLee501: i dunno..maybe it's because of personality, i learned to accept
VLee501: i'm not the kind of person who rememebers everything but happiness
Cp05300615: i do too, that is after i got here, i HAVE to learn to eccept things
VLee501: i tend to do the opposite...remember all the happiness, and forget about the misrableness
Cp05300615: now, i forgot most of the things about myself in tw, forgot how outgoing i was, forgot how i use to attend every school activities, i forgot all those feelings
VLee501: me too...u know i was the smallest and not one person in my family not spoil me...but after i got here, everything changed..
Cp05300615: me too, that's wat i learn to do here, i have to rememeber all the happieness, so when i look back i won't have to be misrible
VLee501: i have to live w/ my aunt and her family who i had no knowledge of whatsoever...things dont come along rit..
VLee501: i have a lot of bad memories about the past 4 years i'v lived here, but u know..time goes right on...u just can't live in memories
Cp05300615: i guess i can imagine your feeling, alice has to live w/ her aunt too, so sometimes, well almost all the time, when she has truble, she comes to me not her aunt, 'cause she dun feel confortable
VLee501: i too had the experience..but unfortunaly i had noone to run to..
Cp05300615: that's wat i use to do, and that's wat made me soo depress
VLee501: if u keep thinking about how popular u were, how happy u were, there's no way to get happier now
Cp05300615: well, i really want to say i can be the one to help you, but i know it's the distance, the distance is a very big problem, me and alice live practically next door, she can comeover anytime she wants to
Cp05300615: i know...so i'm not doing that ne more now...
VLee501: i literally had to force myself not to think about it..
Cp05300615: i can't help you when you have trouble, but at least i can do is listen to you
Cp05300615: i know...me too
VLee501: thank u..
Cp05300615: do you feel like you are fitting in in church? i'm asking this because i dun feel like it
VLee501: sometimes i don't...honestly
VLee501: but i remember when i first came...i didnt' too...it takes time
Cp05300615: i guess it's because i feel that none of them know how it's like to be here, a place you have absolutly no idea about
Cp05300615: but then i tought i'm going back to the bad stuff again...
VLee501: i know that feeling...there were times i felt so left out in church that i stopped going there...
Cp05300615: really? wat made you come back?
VLee501: but then i said to myself i'm only there to worship god..and that the better reason that made me came back is tat i felf that i need to achieve, not run away
Cp05300615: wow, that's very deep, i dun think i can do that, to me friends are very important to me, if i dun have friends i would feel insecured
VLee501: apperantly i still don't think i'v achieve that goal..but now the reason is only this...WHO CARES?
Cp05300615: oh yea....
Cp05300615: you know something.... i changed 5 diff schools in 5 yr, you know how much i hated that?
Cp05300615: i had to adjust to every one who's around me
VLee501: who cares if they don't accept me in..who cares if they dont like me...who cares if they don't have anything to say to me
VLee501: that's true too...that must be really hard
Cp05300615: i hope i can get to your level, to just be yourself
VLee501: it's not really be urself..it's learning not to care
Cp05300615: like completely close your own feelings? you mean?
VLee501: well...not exactly...but more like "take it or leave it"
Cp05300615: it's hard to not care...especially ppl who are w/ u everyday...
VLee501: i honestly had to say that pharse to myself at times
VLee501: it's a good one too...
Cp05300615: i guess we'll just have to be wateva the thing should be...
Cp05300615: man... my arm hurts...
VLee501: i thought about the reason for me to be unhappy is to care too much about others...so i thought"what the heck"!!
Cp05300615: that took you a long time to figure out didn't it?
Cp05300615: i would still like to care, even if it means it'll hurt myself very much
VLee501: it sure did...but then i had to realize that i'll never be able to change into this perfect person that suits everyone
VLee501: i know..sometimes i still can't help it to care..but i try not to
Cp05300615: i guess because i care too much, i have very strong love and hate for everyone
VLee501: u're talking deep..:)
Cp05300615: heehee
VLee501: what do u mean...excese my ignorance
VLee501: excuse...i meant
Cp05300615: okay, for me to know someone, it's either i hate that person very much, or i love that person very much, and that goes to everyone
VLee501: WHAT?
Cp05300615: i would put all my energy to love or hate someone, GOT IT?
VLee501: u mean that u just have to have one of the 2 feelings?
VLee501: but how do go from not knowing the person to hating or loving the person?
Cp05300615: well, yea... but there are ppl who are in between, but that's only for the ppl who i dun really know.. cause i dun care that much to love or hate them
Cp05300615: okay i guess i answer that one
Cp05300615: do you understand wat i mean?
VLee501: how do u scale me?.....(knife on my hand)
Cp05300615: wat????
VLee501: how would u put me between love and hate...(repeat again i've got a knife on my hand tat can fly to u)
Cp05300615: okay...... i dun mean you..... you are on the "loving" side k?
VLee501: that's better
Cp05300615: take it easy.... hweu...
Cp05300615: okay i got to go, talk to you tomorrow?
Cp05300615: you are gonna be in church rite?
VLee501: yeah...see u
Cp05300615: bye
VLee501: probably...if i feel ok
Cp05300615: okie
VLee501: bye
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